Episode 48: Analysis: The "Elongated" Name Theory
March 31, 2026
It seems names are getting longer. Or rather, there's a trend where names include an elongated sound. Apparently, that’s the case.
Wait, what am I suddenly talking about? Tanahashi? Hiroshi? Hmm? Hiro-shi? Hi-ro-shi. Ah, it doesn't stretch. My name doesn't need a "dash" (the Japanese long vowel mark【ー】).
Let’s try adding one just for fun. Hee-roshi. Hiroo-shi. Hiroshii—. Yeah, definitely don't need it. And honestly, I didn't need this whole bit either (laughs). That last "Hiroshii—" sounds like Sazae-san screaming "Katsuo—!" at the top of her lungs.
Anyway, let’s get right to it and check the names of the NJPW roster. I opened the wrestler profiles on the NJPW mobile site and went down the list. First up, the IWGP World Heavyweight Champion, Yota Tsuji. ...He-he-here it is! [Yo-ta]. It stretches!
Next. The TV Champion, KONOSUKE TAKESHITA. [Ko-nosuke]. It... it stretches. The Tag Team Champions are [Yu-to] and [Oscar]. Both of them stretch! Uemura is [Yu-ya]! Umino is [Sho-ta]! Oiwa is [Ryo-hei]! Gaaaah! They’re stretching all over the place!
Kato is [Sho-ma]! Zack [Saber] Jr. [Sho] and [Yo]. This is bad... There are fewer wrestlers whose names don't stretch. I thought that was about it, but then... Jake [Lee]. Oh man, that’s a huge stretch right there. Ah! Kosei Fujita is [Ko-sei]. You too?! Master Wato! [Master] is just cheating.
The foreign wrestlers too: [Newman], [Jacob Austin Young], [Chase Owens], [Moloney], [Hartley]. Their stretch rate is insane (well, that’s just how English names work, haha).
I see. So NJPW wrestlers really are "extending" their names. Wait, if I follow this logic, then Nagata-san becomes [Yu-ji] and Makabe-san becomes [To-gi]. That means the hypothesis that "names are trending toward being elongated" doesn't hold up. The experiment failed.
Well, I just want everyone to work hard and "extend" the success of New Japan Pro-Wrestling (that’s what I actually wanted to say). So, while I couldn't find a definitive law linking vowel marks to business performance, the important thing is to try everything once.
But, if this "Law of the Elongated Name" were actually true, the wrestler who will "extend" New Japan the farthest would be...
[Great-O-Khan]. I’m counting on you—!